School started..

An update on my post from a few weeks ago, summer went in a blur, it was tough. It was busy but yet I felt like I didn’t do enough, #mumlife right?

Well last Friday we got the call that Freddie would be receiving transport to school, people may see this as lazy, I work part time and I could easily take him myself, however, the amount of fuel I would use doing 4 trips back and forth would be extortionate and not worth me working, also he needs to be independent and he wants to be like his other friends.

Monday morning came, he was excited, I was nervous and happy for him, he loves school, loves routine and I thi k he will flourish this year.

His taxi arrives and he gets in, I follow them out and he has the biggest grin on his face, he’s smiling like the Cheshire cat 😍 I wave him off and turn around closing the door and sob. My baby, another milestone, he’s growing up, he’s getting there, and after I’d gotten over this I realised, although I’ll never stop worrying baout him and his future, he will be okay.

He’s the best little human I could of asked for, even though he drive me to the brink of insanity all summer 😉

The life you imagine for them, just slips away..

So, I’ve sat here this evening, realising that in 3 weeks time, F will have finished the school term, he will be finished for summer and that means that in September he will technically be a year 5!

Now, F’s school works a bit differently, because he is in a Special Needs school he isn’t in year groups, they put children together who are academically on the same level, even if they are the same age, so I often forget what year of school he should be in. But I received his report today, and that said year group 4, so it reminded me.

Most parents will feel sad that their children are moving up because they are growing up, getting older, more independence, that sort of thing, tonight I sit here and just feel… well, upset, worried, fearful?

F is academically at the mental age and cognitive level as a 3-4 year old, he cannot read, he cannot write (other than his name or copied words) and he struggles to count up to 20 correctly. Yet he is 9 years old, now don’t get me wrong I do not want a child who is top of the class and able to work out their 12x tables within seconds, I’ve never been that mum, I guess I’m too lazy to want that 😅 but I do feel a bit anxious and upset that he can’t read and write yet.

When you become a mum, you have this vision of what your child’s life will look like, now I feel I have always been pretty accepting of the fact that F was never going to be on par with his peers who don’t have SEN, but as he gets older I find myself, worrying more. Will he get a job? Will he get a girlfriend? Will he be able to drive? The life you expect your children to have just slowly slips away and out of reach, and it’s really scary.

This isn’t me saying he won’t be happy, or others out there for that matter won’t be happy, because he is and he will be. I know that he really doesn’t care about things like that, as long as he has friends and people to socialise with, that’s all he cares for. He is the happiest child I’ve ever know, and yeah some days when he’s feel dysregulated, those days can be tough, he cries, I cry, we will both be as stubborn as one another, then we cuddle and things get easier, but the majority of the time, he’s funny, he’s laughing and making up fantastic stories / games, his imagination is wild.

I know that overall, he’s happy. He has friends, he has family and to be honest as long as wherever he is has food, then we are onto a winner, but sometimes, for us SEN mamas, knowing that that “normal” lifestyle isn’t going to be part of their reality.. that can be hard.